When the going gets tough

Sigh. This IVF cycle isn't going as well as I'd hoped.  After they failed to call me on Wednesday to inform me of the increase in Gonal-F, now they are saying that my little follicles on my right ovary didn't even grow at all.  This is after the last 2 days of increased dosage (today is Sunday, and I found out about the meds increase on Friday).  Naturally I asked if they thought that the failure to increase my dosage on time might be contributing to my slow response.  The answer is the appropriately PR response of, "we don't know, some women up their meds and just don't respond....."  UGH!  

I was instructed to go ahead with 2 more nights of meds and to return on Tuesday to determine whether we proceed with the extraction and move forward or if we cancel.  I have 1-20mm, and 1-16mm, but the remaining 4 follicles are under 13, and might not get to the desired size by Tuesday.  They won't proceed without 3 good-sized follicles.

I left the Dr's office in funk naturally.  And of course, I started feeling bloated and ache-y in the afternoon....Murphy's Law.  My ovaries were feeling scrambled for the first time since I started this cycle on the 12th!!  Well, maybe the little guys are waking up finally.

Anyway, the stress of it all made me head right over to Whole Foods and buy up half the store.  I came home, strapped on my apron, and started on 2 loaves of boule (round white) bread, herb roasted turkey thighs, a whole roasted branzini, grilled baby octopus, peppered lima beans, and grilled short rib.  

My husband immediately ate an entire loaf of bread, and I ate the octopus, a slice of bread, some chips and guacamole from Friday's stressful doctor's visit, and a bunch of lima beans.  

Well, at least my stress keeps us well fed.

Ugh. Feeling it.

Today marks the 5th day of stim for my current IVF cycle in an attempt to conceive.  I'm feeling quite headache-y, but I wonder if that's because my scan stressed me out today....they only detected 4 follicles on my right ovary and 1 on my left.  My lead follicle measures 13mm, with the rest 11, 10, just under 10, and 9.  Most likely I'm ache-y because of all this estrogen, though, and in a bad mood 'cuz of the scan results.  But it's still early, too early to know what this cycle will result in.  I can tell you this, it helps to be calm and anything-but-angry during the nightly injections.  

I remember when I first went through this process. I was so angry in general at having to go through such a physically invasive process to have a child.  So I bruised almost every night, and of course, it didn't work.  This time, with the wonders of motherhood to guide me, I welcome the invasiveness if it means I get to be a mom to one more gorgeous, hot-tempered, loving, squishy little child.  Come to think of it, I was downright ignorant the first time.  I didn't realize the reward far-outweighs any price you have to pay upfront.  Just that....well...the headaches and hot flashes are annoying.  And the needles suck too.