What the spotting is

Well, I'm firmly into my 9th week of pregnancy #2 after a round of IVF that almost got called off. Safe to say I'm very happy about making it through this far, and if I make it to week 12 I'll truly celebrate! The spotting, according to my OB when I asked at 7 weeks (at that point it was consistently there, always just ... present) she attributed it to implantation. Now, I'm no MD, and I didn't go to Med School for 4 years plus, but I knew it wasn't implantation. That doesn't last for 7 weeks. It came back at 8 weeks, for about 5 days, and I was already scheduled for my last RE appointment and scan. The wonderful Dr. Wong showed me on the screen the subchorionic hematoma that was likely causing the spotting, and said that it would most likely resolve itself since it didn't seem so large and the blood spotting like it was old. So that's a relief, just to know what is going on.

Yay!

So, I am happy to report that my beta #s came back very positive. On May 9th, I got a 301, and they asked me to come back in 4 days.  On May 13th, the betas went to 1457!  Huzzah!

The general feel right now is a teensy bit of nausea, especially if I'm hungry.  But that's it,  I don't have my scan until May 27th so we won't be able to confirm any further details until then. 

My only concern is this--and of course, I don't know if I'm making too much out of it, or too little, you tell me--I have been spotting every day since 2 days post transfer.  Brown, mostly (sorry for the TMI), and during the course of the day it's a little more than other times. It's nerve-wracking because I know there's nothing at this stage I could even do if I wanted, but I'm secretly nervous. I don't want to freak the DH out by sharing this, so I've been quietly obsessing on my own.

As a post-Asherman's patient, I suspect that it's all related, but I'm not a doctor, so I can't say.  The RE who did my IVF, Dr. Sauer, isn't the same RE who treated Asherman's so I don't even know if they'd know what to tell me.  I sound ridiculous, I know, and you probably are saying right now at your computer screen, "well just call them anyway!"  .... but like I said, there's nothing they can do at this point even if it was a bad sign because I'm so early in.  On the other hand, if it's normal, then part of me is just trying to wave an impatient hand at myself and say, "see?!? nothing to worry about." 

Personally, I'm looking for more cat vomit.

Is cat vomit a good sign?

Now that I have my computer back after 2 full weeks of repairs (Yes, 2! My computer wouldn't turn on at all at some point, and it's 5 months old!) here's where we're at--

I had my retrieval on the 24th, and they told me they would try to get me to day 5 transfer, but gave me a time for day 3 and said they'd call me in the AM of that day if they felt I could go 2 more days. On day 3 they called at 8:30 AM (I was up since 6 staring at my cel phone by my bed), and said I'd be going on for 2 more days!
I had gone from 8 embryos to 5 on day 3, and then by day 5 I had 2 good blasts. The transfer was April 29th. Tomorrow is my first beta--5/9.
I've had some on and off bleeding since the transfer, but pretty light, although steady trickle for the last 3 days. Which is either really really great news, or really bad news.
Every day I look for some sign of which way this is going for me (I have a headache, maybe I'm pregnant! I'm feeling fine, I'm not pregnant!) but today, Craig's cat Chelsea vomited all over our rug.
Maybe that's a good sign.

So far so good....

By the time I got back into the RE office on Tuesday, I was feeling pretty twingy.  Which is good, since the entire time I was in this cycle, I wasn't feeling a thing.  Which is why they almost called the whole thing off.  Wouldn't that have been rough.

By the time Tuesday (4/22) rolled around, the dr found 3 good follicles on my right: 25.5, 21.5, 17.5, and 2 small 10's.  On the left, I had a 15.5, a 15, 13.5, and 2 under 10's.  They had me trigger with Novarel at 9PM on Tuesday, and scheduled for the retrieval today, Thursday 4/24, 8AM.

The retrieval was scheduled for today, 8:30AM.  I was told to come in at 8AM, so I dropped my son off at the baby sitter's at 7:30 and hopped on the train.  But as I was getting off the train at my stop in the city at 8:10, my phone buzzed that I had a vm....and it was the anesthesiologist!  He said I was late because they were expecting me at 7:30!   Of course they were wrong, I had my appointment paper that clearly stated the later time, but of course the sullen nurse at the desk took it upon herself to scold me and give me the cold shoulder until I told her that I was, in fact, on time.  Why do they sometimes get so righteous?!?!  It's an INFERTILITY CLINIC for Pete's Sake!  No attitude at the desk please, we all have enough on our mind.  Even if I was late, would I really have been late on purpose for the retrieval?!?

There. I feel better.  Well, anyway, they were able to retrieve 8 eggs.  I assume at least 2 of them were too small since my last scan showed only 5 mature or close to mature follicles.  So doing a bit of unscientific math, I think if they can successfully ICSI 4 of the 6 eggs, then allow for the 50% blast rate, I might be looking at 2 embies to transfer.

I just have to sit tight through the weekend and make it to Sunday so I can hear what they say.  I'll be keeping myself ultra busy til then...

When the going gets tough

Sigh. This IVF cycle isn't going as well as I'd hoped.  After they failed to call me on Wednesday to inform me of the increase in Gonal-F, now they are saying that my little follicles on my right ovary didn't even grow at all.  This is after the last 2 days of increased dosage (today is Sunday, and I found out about the meds increase on Friday).  Naturally I asked if they thought that the failure to increase my dosage on time might be contributing to my slow response.  The answer is the appropriately PR response of, "we don't know, some women up their meds and just don't respond....."  UGH!  

I was instructed to go ahead with 2 more nights of meds and to return on Tuesday to determine whether we proceed with the extraction and move forward or if we cancel.  I have 1-20mm, and 1-16mm, but the remaining 4 follicles are under 13, and might not get to the desired size by Tuesday.  They won't proceed without 3 good-sized follicles.

I left the Dr's office in funk naturally.  And of course, I started feeling bloated and ache-y in the afternoon....Murphy's Law.  My ovaries were feeling scrambled for the first time since I started this cycle on the 12th!!  Well, maybe the little guys are waking up finally.

Anyway, the stress of it all made me head right over to Whole Foods and buy up half the store.  I came home, strapped on my apron, and started on 2 loaves of boule (round white) bread, herb roasted turkey thighs, a whole roasted branzini, grilled baby octopus, peppered lima beans, and grilled short rib.  

My husband immediately ate an entire loaf of bread, and I ate the octopus, a slice of bread, some chips and guacamole from Friday's stressful doctor's visit, and a bunch of lima beans.  

Well, at least my stress keeps us well fed.

So...do I stress about this??

Today I went to Day 7 monitoring in this current IVF cycle.  They didn't call me on Wednesday to tell me that I had to up the Gonal F dose to 225.  THEY DIDN'T CALL!  WTF?  So now I am doing everything, and I mean everything, in my power to not let this spiral out of control in my head, because once I start on the negative OMG-what-is-this-going-to-do path I know it'll affect my response to the meds in general.  Less stress=better cycle.  Or so the thinking goes.

But really, c'mon, who was working that day??  Maybe I should call them everyday just to get a 'anything new to report?' report from them, but I always try to be a model patient who doesn't go overboard with the followup.  Geez.  I'll have to take the day to rethink that.

But, they detected that my follicles are 17, 15, two-13s, and then on the left, two sorta-13s.  Not the greatest response, but not horrible either.

We shall see.  

Ugh. Feeling it.

Today marks the 5th day of stim for my current IVF cycle in an attempt to conceive.  I'm feeling quite headache-y, but I wonder if that's because my scan stressed me out today....they only detected 4 follicles on my right ovary and 1 on my left.  My lead follicle measures 13mm, with the rest 11, 10, just under 10, and 9.  Most likely I'm ache-y because of all this estrogen, though, and in a bad mood 'cuz of the scan results.  But it's still early, too early to know what this cycle will result in.  I can tell you this, it helps to be calm and anything-but-angry during the nightly injections.  

I remember when I first went through this process. I was so angry in general at having to go through such a physically invasive process to have a child.  So I bruised almost every night, and of course, it didn't work.  This time, with the wonders of motherhood to guide me, I welcome the invasiveness if it means I get to be a mom to one more gorgeous, hot-tempered, loving, squishy little child.  Come to think of it, I was downright ignorant the first time.  I didn't realize the reward far-outweighs any price you have to pay upfront.  Just that....well...the headaches and hot flashes are annoying.  And the needles suck too.